I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
