Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Boobs are out for the taking
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
