You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I will be naked everywhere
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
