You smell like stripper and shame
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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