WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
