She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
