12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Boobs speak an international language.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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