you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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