i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When are your genitals available?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
