kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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