fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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