You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
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We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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