I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
