Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
