from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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