dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
