So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
