I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
