I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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