its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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