I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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