you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
