So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
