This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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