Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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