What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
