i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
