That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think my moral compass just broke
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
