I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
