I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
