I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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