It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
