Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you traded sex for a burrito?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I need a beard to bite.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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