btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
