I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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