I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
