He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
