I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
