I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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