M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
