people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize