just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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