...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
