No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
