I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
