I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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