I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
