So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She told me I should be a condom model.
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If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
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Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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