you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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