So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
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So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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