I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
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