i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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