I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
