ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
