i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
