Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
