I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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