I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
