we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
