the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
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He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.