My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.