we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
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I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
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I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??