My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
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I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
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He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.