Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.