Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.